I was listening to a sermon by Bishop T.D. Jakes, when the mic drop happened.
The act of burying is just like the act of planting. Both are concealed and in the dark, but one is a dead end and the other is the start of growth and blossoming. The start of transformation.
Such a powerful message and a perfect conclusion to the Garden Sexy series, and the inspiration behind this essay.
A NEW LENS
When your life is darkened by heartbreak, loss, failure, shame, you feel lost with no way out of the wounds. Your future has been tainted and it feels impossible to envision a new one. A new one that brings you joy and fulfillment. You feel buried.
But you’re not.
You are planted.
Planted for great transformation.
YOUR DREAMS NEED TEARS TO GROW
When you feel buried, it’s okay and encouraged to cry. Just like rain grows plants, your tears will motivate you to take action and begin your transformation.
Don’t expect the tears to stop, and don’t let them influence you to stop. You start your transformation with tears and you will nurture with tears, because growing is uncomfortable and traumatic. Push through the tears, and have peace in knowing the bigger the transformation, the more tears you are likely to shed.
BUSINESS CLOSE BURIAL TO TRANSFORMATION
After having knee surgery, I was forced to move back home and close my business. At the same time, my sister’s days were ending. I felt buried. Deeply buried, and I cried. A lot.
Scrolling through food pictures post surgery, I was revisited with the ones I took years ago for Sexy Starts in the Kitchen. I visualized the cookbook again. I had built my foundation while running my business. I improved on my culinary skills, techniques, recipe creativity, and nutrition knowledge, giving me confidence to finish the book. So I planted the seed of restarting Sexy Starts in the Kitchen.
After years of nurturing it with recipe writing, photography, editing, and yes, tears, I am now an author to a book designed to help others level up their beauty from within so they can live well and be more. I went from feeling so down and out, darkened by feelings of unworthiness, shame and inadequacy, with no excitement for the future to feeling confident, worthy, and empowered with excitement for my purposeful future.
I wasn’t buried.
I was planted.
Planted for transformation so I could share my hidden gifts and start living my purpose, one that honors my sister.
DON’T DOUBT YOURSELF
He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.Psalm 126:6
Doubt will hinder your transformation. You have to have faith. You have to believe you were created for it and you can do it.
I believe the reason why my harvest has been cut short in the past was due to self-doubt. I wasn’t secure financially. I wasn’t in a loving, supportive relationship. I was very susceptible to other’s opinions of me and how I should live my life. I made choices out of a wounded, low quality state that produced shameful outcomes, bruising my self-worth. My already self critical nature was reinforced with doubt by this environment I created.
Now, things are different.
I am financially secure. I surround myself with positive, supportive people. The people closest to me believe in me and my ability to lead this brand. Most importantly, I believe in me.
I have developed a stronger sense of self that has given me an inner compass to make decisions according to my values which has given me greater self-worth and self-respect. I am less worried of pleasing others. I no longer seek validation which has me acting in a secure way, not a desperate way. Acting authentically, showing myself more self-love, has helped give me self-belief, and overcome self-doubt.
BREAK UP BURIAL
Nothing compares to the burial feeling after the loss of a partner as it is unique.
When you plant the seed of an exclusive relationship with someone, you grow together, producing as well as planning fruit together. When the plant breaks, the fruit dies. The longer you’ve been together, more time and energy has been invested in the nurturing of the relationship’s growth and you have to experience the loss of more fruit. This includes your vision of the future you were creating together. You lose not only the person closest to you, you lose what you thought was your future. And with that taken away, it a million percent, feels like you are buried.
But you’re not.
You are planted.
Planted for transformation as there is still something that needs to change in you and you must do it on your own.
STEPS TO TRANSFORMATION
It most likely will seem like a struggle to know what action to take at first. Once the initial impact from the trauma has subsided and you’ve had some weeks of healing you will be able to start seeing and believing in a new future. You will know what dream to pursue.
While your heart might be broken, it hasn’t stopped beating.
You are not buried.
You are planted.
Planted for transformation.
Transformation for His purpose.
If you feel buried, what is a goal you have you can work towards? Do you need to build your foundation to achieve your goal? If so, what do you need to do? If not, set your goal and record your progress.
Learn from the past. Have you experienced a time when you felt buried but it led to transformation? What action steps did you take to start your transformation?
If you experience doubt, what can you do to overcome it?